I tried this, and Siri only found a Monastery. Come on, Siri! Get with it!

I also considered:

• Googling the nearby kingdom for nearest horses
• Photoshopping out damned spots!
• Google: “thesaurus: rose”
• To put my computer to sleep, perchance to dream
• “@sampson: Hey @abraham! #bitemythumb”

Any other jokes in there I missed? Post them here, or on Twitter under #updatedshakespeare. I’m watching!

Also, all shirts still on sale through the end of this week! So before the end of the day Saturday, all shirts are just $15 plus shipping! Check it all out over at HilariAwesome.com.